Wasn't that a party?

We had our annual Christmas party last night...what a night!

I don't even know where to start, but I can tell you I was NOT the life of the party.

Ever have one of those nights where all of a sudden you feel like you just want to be alone? Well that's not such a good feeling when there are 25+ people ready to have fun in your home.

Let me also say that I have nothing against people who drink. I like a few drinks myself and have been drunk more times that I want to talk about, but last night I drank enough to drown and never got a buzz.

So here I am, in my own house, sober, surrounded by people who are drinking and having a grand old time.

Yeah, I was a real downer.

Worst part was people kept think I was mad about something...I wasn't...not at all.

But because I was content to let them have their fun and not be in the middle of it then everyone worries.

And I appreciate the fact that they worry. At least I know they are paying enough attention to see I'm not happy...lol.

But overall everyone DID have a good time. I tried my best but just got more frustrated that I couldn't get into the spirit of a party that I had planned and invited everyone to.

And in the end I ended up making some people mad because I snapped about something stupid.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Michelle and I discussed it and it maybe boils down to the fact that I cannot just let things go. I see something that I don't think is right and I want to tell everyone so they can correct it.

It's my "superhero" complex.

Or as Michelle tells me "you can't save the world."

Essentially its true thought that I almost can NEVER just kick back and have a good time because I am always worried about what everyone else is doing.

And sometimes what they are doing someone NEEDS to worry about, but I guess that's not my job.

I guess I have to learn, and make a more concerted effort, to just let everyone be themselves.

I suppose part of the problem I have with that is some of those same people will be asking me the next day why I didn't stop this, or why I let that happen and I think that if I can nip it in the bud I won't have to deal with it the next time or the next day for that matter.

It's been that way for as long as I can remember. Someone asks me for advice...goes out and does the COMPLETE opposite...and then comes back crying to have me fix what went wrong.

And in the end all I end up doing is making myself miserable.

The other problem is that when I tell someone something I do it out of the goodness of my heart and I mean it. And when I get told that that is wrong it makes me upset.

If someone tells me to doing something I do it. And I don't want that person then telling me not to do it when they don't know any better.

There I go again...saving the world.

So what do you do?

Allow people to just be themselves and clean up the messes like always? If that's the case I'll STILL be miserable because I know what's coming.

Stop partying all together? Well unfortunately these are the people I regularly hang out with, some are even family, and that is not an option.

I guess in my mind (and there aren't many people who want to see what goes on in that mess) I just can't understand why people can't just have a good time without all the drama: there are either arguments, PDA's, inappropriate talk etc.

And I know the main culprit...alcohol.

People can't seem to just have a few drinks and relax and have a good time...they have to get blitzed, they have to go too far, they have to just do too much.

But there I go again...trying to save the world.

Just because that is the way I feel doesn't make it right. that's what I have to keep telling myself.

Just because I try so hard NOT to do anything that embarrasses my wife or family, nothing that will make anyone think I did something that crosses any lines of societal norms, doesn't mean I can make anyone else be that way.

I'm no angel, and I've made plenty of mistakes in my life...so I guess I try to help others.

But I can't save the world and to be honest I really don't even know why I want to anymore.

When, at the end of the night, you don't even get a thank you? You barely get a "we're leaving" and people rushing out the door?

That was as disappointing as anything else. And I have no one to blame but myself.

I expect people to appreciate what I do whether it is hosting the party or just talking them down from where ever they currently are.

And I want is a thank you...and I couldn't get it.

And of course all of this is moot because I know me and it might be a week, or it might be a year, but at some point I will make the same mistake again.

Luckily one person isn't trying to save the world...just save me.

Michelle will tell me and it will take me some time to turn the superhero thing off, but I will...because I know she is right.

But I'll still be disappointed in the people that I care about because I can't help them...even if they don't want my help.

~ Glenn